To Keep My Love Alive Lyrics

I've been married, and married, and often I've sighed
"I'm never a bridesmaid, I'm always a bride"
I never divorced them, I hadn't the heart
Yet remember these sweet words, "'Til death do us part"I married many men, a ton of them
Because I was untrue to none of them
Because I bumped off every one of them
To keep my love aliveSir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me
At night he was a horse's neck to me
So I performed an appendectomy
To keep my love aliveSir Thomas had insomnia
He couldn't sleep at night
I bought a little arsenic
He's sleeping now all right
Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing
I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing
And now he plays where harps are just the thing
To keep my love alive, to keep my love aliveI thought Sir George had possibilities
But his flirtations made me ill at ease
And when I'm ill at ease, I kill at ease
To keep my love aliveSir Charles came from a sanitorium
And yelled for drinks in my emporium
I mixed one drink, he's in memorium
To keep my love aliveSir Francis was a singing bird
A nightingale, that's why
I tossed him off my balcony
To see if he could fly
Sir Atherton indulged in fratricide
He killed his dad and that was patricide
One night I stabbed him by my mattress-side
To keep my love alive, to keep my love alive
To keep my love alive