Stay Up Late Lyrics

I just wanna go to sleep and not wake up
Not in a scary way, just quiet enough
My brain's too loud for me to rest
Every thought just hits my chest
I keep replaying everything
Every word I said wrong
Every little stupid thing that my head holds on to
I hate myself more than I say out loud
I just hide it better in a crowd
Laugh at jokes and play it cool like I'm not breaking every rule
My heart starts racing randomly like something's wrong with me
but nothing's even happening
I just can't let myself be
I fake a smile when people talk
Laugh at things I don't even get
Say I'm good when someone asks like I haven't fallen apart yet
I stay up late just to avoid another day I don't enjoy
And when it's quiet, it gets worse
Like silence makes my thoughts rehearse
I hate myself more than I say out loud
I just hide it better in a crowd
Laugh at jokes and play cool like I'm not breaking every rule
My heart starts racing randomly like something's wrong with me
But nothing's even happening
I just can't let myself be