CHORUSGrandpa got runned over by a John DeereWalking home from the Moose Lodge Christmas Eve.Now you can say there's no such thing as Santa,But after suing John Deere, I believe...He'd been a-guzzlin' old Jack DanielsAnd smokin' that wacky weed-He mixed it with his medicationAnd run off with some bleach-blonde named Bernice.When we found him Christmas mornin'We thought he had a heart attack.But he had tar prints on his foreheadAnd incriminatin' hickies on his neck.(ON HIS WHAT?)CHORUSBut we're all ashamed of Grandpa.He took Grandma's death too well.Started watchin' porno moviesAnd engaging in phone sex with Cousin Belle.It's a better Christmas without GrandpaLast year in church, he mooned the choir.At first, we thought it was Alzheimer's,But looking back, we realized he was wired.CHORUSYeah, I filed myself a lawsuitAnd they awarded me two mil.You know Grandpa didn't leave me nuthin',But thanks to that old John Deere, he got killed.Funny, all my friends and neigh-brasTurned up on the grand jury,(laughs) I bribed 'em like Johnny CochranDid when they set O.J. Simpson free.GUIL-TY!CHORUS (x2)
