Delaney's Donkey Lyrics

Now Delaney had a donkey that everyone admired,

Tempo'rily lazy and permanently tired

A leg at ev'ry corner balancing his head,

And a tail to let you know which end he wanted to be

fed

Riley slyly said "We've underrated it, why not train

it?"

Then he took a rag

They rubbed it, scrubbed it,

They oiled and embrocated it,

Got it to the post

And when the starter dropped his flag

There was Riley pushing it, shoving it, shushing it

Hogan, Logan and ev'ryone in town lined up

Attacking it and shoving it and smacking it

They might as well have tried to push the Town Hall

down

The donkey was eyeing them,

Openly defying them

Winking, blinking and twisting out of place

Riley reversing it,

Ev'rybody cursing it

The day Delaney's donkey ran the halfmile race.



The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch,

They couldn't budge the donkey a quarter of an inch

Delaney lay exhausted, hanging round its throat

With a grip just like a Scotchman on a five pound note

Starter, Carter, he lined up with the rest of 'em.

When it saw them, it was willing then

It raced up, braced up, ready for the best of 'em.

They started off to cheer it but it changed its mind

again

There was Riley pushing it, shoving it and shushing it

Hogan, Logan and Mary Ann Macgraw,

She started poking it, grabbing it and choking it

It kicked her in the bustle and it laughed "Hee Haw!"

The whigs, the conservatives,

Radical superlatives

Libr'rals and tories,

They hurried to the place

Stood there in unity,

Helping the community

The day Delaney's donkey ran the halfmile race.



The crowd began to cheer it. Then Rafferty, the judge

He came to assist them, but still it wouldn't budge

The jockey who was riding, little John MacGee,

Was so thoroughly disgusted that he went to have his

tea

Hagan, Fagan was students of psychology,

Swore they'd shift it with some dynamite

They bought it, brought it, then without apology

The donkey gave a sneeze and blew the darn stuff out of

sight

There was Riley pushing it, shoving it and shushing it

Hogan, Logan and all the bally crew,

P'lice, and auxil'ary,

The Garrison Artillery

The Second Enniskillen's and the Life Guards too

They seized it and harried it,

They picked it up and carried it

Cheered it, steered it to the winning place

Then the Bookies drew aside,

They all commited suicide

Well, the day Delaney's donkey won the halfmile race.