Napoleon's a pastryBismarck is a herringAlexander's a crème de cacao mixed with rumAnd Herbie Hoover is a vacuumColumbus is a circle and a day offPershing is a square, what a pay-offJulius Caesar is just a salad on a shelfSo, little brother, get wise to yourselfLife's a bowl and it's full of cherry pitsPlay it big and it throws you for a loopThat's the way with fate, comes today, we're greatComes tomorrow, we're tomato soupNapoleon's a pastryGet this under your browWhat once useta be a roosta'Is just a dusta' nowNapoleon's a pastryDuBarry is a lipstickPompadour's a hairdoGood Queen Mary just floats along from pier to pierVenus De Milo is a pink brassiereSir Gladstone is a bag, ain't it shocking?And the mighty Kaiser, just a stockingThe Czar of Russia is now a jar of caviarAnd Cleopatra is a black cigarYes, my honey lamb, Swift is just a hamLincoln's a tunnel, Coolidge is a damYes, my noble lads, comes today, we're fadsComes tomorrow, we are subway adsHomer is just a swatGet this under your browAll these bigwig controversialsAre just commercials nowBetter get your jug of wineAnd loaf of loveBefore that final vowNapoleon's a pastryCaesar is a saladGet it while you're able
