Bruce Campbell is the finest man to grace a silver screenAll the other actors just degrade his noble scenesThe Oscars should award him for his wondrous careerHold a town parade for him with each movie premiereBruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!We're gonna be best friends!Gonna come to your house and watch HerculesFrom season one till the endI'll hand you everything I ownAnd you'll sign it all for me!Then we'll start rehearsing for Cave Alien 3Bruce Lorne Campbell should be offered every lead!Imagine him as Spider-Man, a finer choice indeedCasablanca could've been improved if Campbell would've said,"Here's looking at you...you primitive screwhead!"Bruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!Dert dert da dert dert dertGonna come to your houseAnd put Xena and not sleep until it's doneI got the whole boxset for Briscoe County, tooI love you and to prove it's trueI'm gonna play a kazooBruce Ash Campbell is a truly stellar manHe bravely fought the DeaditesBut a chainsaw took his handCoincidentally, I have one I barely ever useI'll saw it off and ship it to the charming, handsome BruceBruce Campbell! Bruce Campbell!I need the measurements for your chin!Gonna make me a jawbone implantAnd I'm gonna be your twinThen I'll get me a tattoo of your faceAnd put it right on my....faceThen we'll fly into outer space and....Hey Bruce, where are you going?Bruce Campbell (gonna find you!)You can't hide from me!I found your house on Google MapsAnd just watched you go pee!When I find you, I'm gonna clone youTake your DNA against your willI'll make 8,000 Bruce CampbellsTo build a Bruce CampbellvilleBruce-Campbell-ville!Bruce!
