First Baptist Bar & Grill Lyrics
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Well the church burned down and no one knew
What being of course Baptists was gonna do
The Sunday brimstone got so dadgum hot
It burned up a church bus in the parking lot
In a panic, the Reverend Dr. White
Called up an ex member that hadn't lived right
He owned Joe's Beer Joint right across the fence
It's the same Joe's he'd preached against
He said 'I don't really wanna be a hypocrite
I got a Sunday school class about to have fits
We're all excited about rеvival week
And being moved by the spirit, so to spеak
With all the souls we've saved and money we spent
We though God told us to sell that tent
I got a famous evangelist s'posed to come
Done ran outta chairs, would you loan us some?'
Joe said 'Well y'all can just use the whole damn place
Hang out on the jukebox, amazing grace
Ain't supposed to be open 'cause of them blue laws
But we'll open tonight, if it's alright with y'all'
Preacher says 'Well I reckon it'd be OK
The good Lord works in mysterious ways
Gonna talk about Joshua, judges and ruth
And I reckon I could do it from the DJ booth'
At the First Baptist Bar & Grill
It's the only church in the Bible belt
That smells like a whiskey still
When the sinners finish one more round
We'll have dinner on the ground
And go inside, and pray we don't get killed
The evangelist came with a well dressed choir
They showed up around happy hour
Looked around the joint and didn't take it real well
Said the White Ministry has gone to hell
Miss Mills had taught you Sunday school
And two dickens in the back room shooting pool
Were sharing the Lord with a Jim Beam rep
Who was teaching Miss Mills some line dance steps
Reverend White was reading from the Book of Luke
To a tall drunk trucker about to puke
He had John 3:16 memorised
Trying to draw him out to get him baptised
The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beers
Said 'White you can't save any souls in here
This place ain't nothing but a den of sin
Ain't the kinda place Baptists oughta be in'
Preacher says 'Well, we don't really need y'all here
You didn't do a very good job last year
You only saved one sinner, and that's Todd Maguire
The little SOB that set my church on fire'
Joe's Beer Joint has done been revived
Only been here an hour and I done saved five
Sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor
But I finally found the flock God called me for
They're at the First Baptist Bar & Grill
It's the only church in the Bible belt
That smells like a whiskey still
Not a stained glass window anywhere in sight
Just a blood stained floor and neon lights
And the communion wine in here is always chilled
And we're here every Sunday, we're living large
We're the only church with a cover charge
And if you don't like our doctrine and think we ain't devout
We'll have our bouncer throw your butt out
Of the First Baptist Bar & Grill
Amen sister
What being of course Baptists was gonna do
The Sunday brimstone got so dadgum hot
It burned up a church bus in the parking lot
In a panic, the Reverend Dr. White
Called up an ex member that hadn't lived right
He owned Joe's Beer Joint right across the fence
It's the same Joe's he'd preached against
He said 'I don't really wanna be a hypocrite
I got a Sunday school class about to have fits
We're all excited about rеvival week
And being moved by the spirit, so to spеak
With all the souls we've saved and money we spent
We though God told us to sell that tent
I got a famous evangelist s'posed to come
Done ran outta chairs, would you loan us some?'
Joe said 'Well y'all can just use the whole damn place
Hang out on the jukebox, amazing grace
Ain't supposed to be open 'cause of them blue laws
But we'll open tonight, if it's alright with y'all'
Preacher says 'Well I reckon it'd be OK
The good Lord works in mysterious ways
Gonna talk about Joshua, judges and ruth
And I reckon I could do it from the DJ booth'
At the First Baptist Bar & Grill
It's the only church in the Bible belt
That smells like a whiskey still
When the sinners finish one more round
We'll have dinner on the ground
And go inside, and pray we don't get killed
The evangelist came with a well dressed choir
They showed up around happy hour
Looked around the joint and didn't take it real well
Said the White Ministry has gone to hell
Miss Mills had taught you Sunday school
And two dickens in the back room shooting pool
Were sharing the Lord with a Jim Beam rep
Who was teaching Miss Mills some line dance steps
Reverend White was reading from the Book of Luke
To a tall drunk trucker about to puke
He had John 3:16 memorised
Trying to draw him out to get him baptised
The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beers
Said 'White you can't save any souls in here
This place ain't nothing but a den of sin
Ain't the kinda place Baptists oughta be in'
Preacher says 'Well, we don't really need y'all here
You didn't do a very good job last year
You only saved one sinner, and that's Todd Maguire
The little SOB that set my church on fire'
Joe's Beer Joint has done been revived
Only been here an hour and I done saved five
Sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor
But I finally found the flock God called me for
They're at the First Baptist Bar & Grill
It's the only church in the Bible belt
That smells like a whiskey still
Not a stained glass window anywhere in sight
Just a blood stained floor and neon lights
And the communion wine in here is always chilled
And we're here every Sunday, we're living large
We're the only church with a cover charge
And if you don't like our doctrine and think we ain't devout
We'll have our bouncer throw your butt out
Of the First Baptist Bar & Grill
Amen sister