Spartacus Lyrics

Yo

I don't battle-rap

But if I did

I'd do it with brutality and heartlessness

I'd be bad to the bone and brave

'Till my opponents caved

Just like the Roman slave named Spartacus

Now if you don't know the facts on Spartacus

I'd be delighted to provide you with a partial list

Here's the history: he's from a place called Thrace

Which is where Bulgaria is today

The Romans trained him as a gladiator

And he was great at it

But he wasn't glad he wasn't free

He freaking hated it

No question: this oppressed Thracian

Wasn't destined just to accept his fate, man

He made an escape plan and the plot succeeded

And he was chosen by the band of slaves he brought to freedom

As the boss and chieftain

That they thought should lead them

As they fought the soldiers sent to accost and besiege 'em

They waged war all across the region

And Spartacus was the kiss of death

To whole lots of hostile legions

Of clods and cretins

Who wound up with their paws, feet and

A bunch of other body parts chopped off and bleedin'

Lives lost when they paid the high cost of beefin'

With S.P. and got tossed in mausoleums

The Romans ought to've beat him

Because the odds weren't even

But though they had the greater numbers they could not defeat him

And I'm a humble hip-hop comedian

I'm much less Mobb Deep

Than Joss Whedon or Buster Keaton

But if I did battle rap I'd go off the deep end

Commit atrocities you would not believe in

Like an impossibly colossal and awful demon

Scorched-earth nuclear-holocaust emceein'

And it would be inspired by the champion of vox populi:

Me n' Spartacus, two peas in a pod



Real talk, no artifice

I would throw my foes down a dark abyss

All these sucker-ass rappers who suck at raps

They're the reverse of Spartacus

Really! If you spell “Spartacus" backwards

Then it's “suc at raps”

I don't battle

But if I did, I'd be as hard as Spartacus

And you could give my hind part a kiss