[Dialogue: The President, mother Rachel, son Jeffrey]What time is it, Rachel?I don't know, I'm just worried about JeffreyJeffreyI don't know how this could have happened, why him?Well, he should be here any minuteHis plane landed about ten minutes ago, so he can't be too longWell, I'm just really eager to knowHi, momHi, Jeff, how are you?Hello, JeffreyThe prodigal son has returnedJeffrey, where the hell was Nick?Nick was in the car with us, uhSmoking?Yeah, smokingArrеsted?No, well, we wеren't arrestedIt's Nick's business to see that those kind of things don't happenNow, you can't blame NickI mean, it's as much my fault, it's as much your fault for what happened to meAlright, alright, alrightOh, Dad, I-I-I know, it's a bad sceneI'm just so uptight, this whole thing has just gotten me so downWell, why don't we try and relax ourselves (Rachel, you're...) and then we'll discuss it?Alright, I'm all for thatBut Dad, if it hadn't have been for you, let me tell ya, I would've neverDid the dean ask you anything that may have led him to believe that we also smoke, and you know, there is...Well, does he think that I know that you smoke?What did you tell the dean?I didn't really say anything to him at allHe just approached me and said that rather than turning it over to the police, he was gonna just send it directly to youAh yes, he gave me a real solicitous call, you know, "my position and his position", and so on and so forthGuess I really blew it, uhWellI'm really sorry, yeahThat's not the pointWell, it's these dumb laws we have that caused this, and...And just...Thank you, honey, your mother is really wonderfulThanks, RachelHere, Jeffrey, won't you light this up? Just what we needOh, Dad, thanksNow, you were in the carI sometimes wonder if it's all worth it just for a silly little thing like thisI don't know, ask the dean, I wonder what he smokesYou know, that, that isn't too far from the point, DadWell, you never knowWouldn't that be a hell of a thing? He can't tell me and I can't tell himYes? (Two minutes, sir)AlrightIsn't this a ludicrous situation?Rachel, it's a ridiculous situation, I agree, but uh, that's not the discussion hereThe point is, what happens to Jeffrey from here?Do you go back to school, Jeff, do you not, what?What do you wanna do, Jeff?'Cause there really is nothing to be worried aboutYou only have to decide, do you want to go back to that school?Do you want to take a leave of absence for a few months or what?Because we can call the dean (I don't know)(Yeah, that's no problem)And say that your dad's spoken with youI'm so close to graduation though by now, you knowIt's, it's almost futile to drop outI don't have very much time now, so we have to cut this shortIn other words, I guess what we have to do now is pretend that Jeff came home (Yeah)You gave him a good talking to (Yeah)And you and I have to get on the phone with the dean (Right)And say this will never happen again (Right)(I suppose you're right)And we're just shocked and it's a terrible, terrible thing(Terrible, ha-ha)I suppose you're rightYeah, Jeffrey, behave yourselfLook, I think, uh (Man), I have to get out to the conferenceDad, you're the greatest, let me tell yaYou see, if there wasn't all this hypocrisy in this countryWe wouldn't have to even be having this kind of discussionBut RachelThis is what just gets me up a tree all the timeAnd we keep going over and over the same groundWhy can't we do something?Rachel, it exists, we will do somethingAh, look, I have to get into the conferenceIt's so simpleRachel, I have to get into the conferenceIt's not so simple, but we'll have to doRight, but think, like, I'm your sonAnd if I weren't your son (Well, I'll t—), you know where I'd be today?Yeah? (Thirty seconds)Right, I'm comingYou and your mother can toss it around, and when I get back out, I'll continue the discussionOut of sight, out of sight, DadAlright, never mind, out of sightGimme fiveAh, Jeffrey, this is a ridiculous situation, it can't go onWell, it is what Jeff has been telling you for months nowAnd I'm glad something finally happened to change thingsMom, mom, that's cool, coolWell, I'm not so glad, but we'll seeDon't give me the "I told you so"I'll see you laterOkay, Dad, byeTake careBye-bye, have a good conferenceBye nowLadies and gentlemen of the press, the President of the United States
