Pangina:
Daddy says I'm the best
Mummy bought this pretty dress
She was killed in a car crash woe is me
A pretty good backstory, yeah baby
So much trouble and strife
Poor little me
Now I'm old and my bones are all creaky
Only grans is how I pay my lekky bill
Got angina, my bladder is leaking
What's for dinner?
Oh it's just a little sleeping pill
Saggy fanny and a dodgey knee
Only orphan who's an oap
Rich an famous I'll never be
Pathetic old has been vote for me
Bagga:
Used to be a big dancing star
Dreams of fame were all I ever had
Until I had my wakeup call
Climate change is getting really bad
You can pretend to ignore methane gas
Or the polar ice caps melting fast
So much plastic the baby fish have died
Monster fatbergs keep floating in the tide
The world's crying out in pain and I'm here to help
But I can't give up hairspray
I am vegan and I recycle trash
But I can't give up hairspray
Sure it's toxic just give me a pass
No I won't give up hairspray
*sniffs* devine
Juju:
Hello judges yes its me
I'm back and here to stay
Showbiz is in my blood my dears
So blow a kiss mwah
This old Broadway
It's show time, I'm in my prime
Well kinda
I won Broadway Tony prizes
They still look great
Check out these thighzes
I'm fosse, not bossy, and I don't give a tossy
Mamma taught me how to s-s-s-s-slay
I'm fabulous, I'm a gay icon
I'm marvelous with a z
Wasn't I just terrific yeeessss
Blu:
The hills bring me joy
I do love it alfresco
I pray for the day but its just no fun
Though I'm a nun with a raging libido
Nun for pay, like to play spank my bum
I've got a bad habit of going commando
Knickers off, knickers on, loose my pantyhoes
On my knees just strumming my banjo
Fornicating, intimacy, got to pray
No abstinence for me
Yodalaaayyyy I'm finished
Mo:
Please pull your pantys up
Quit being so corrupt
You sinful hussies I'll be damned
I used to be a cocky horror show
Now guess what?
I'm holy, call it a rebrand
I might be quite well endowed
A man with an ass that's smoother than butter
But my lips are sealed
I've shut shop
This sex fiend is leaving the gutter
Cuz I'm a born again virgin
Lost all my urges, now just a tease no more
I'm a genderfluid icon
Live down in Brighton and I'll leave you wanting more
Born again virgin
Janey:
Hi its me meryl streep and I'm back here again
Super huge a lister but can I really sing
Oh I worry about these things
Look at me shine
So many accolades
I'm so sublime
An actor with just one goal
Will I get the starring role
I can act my cvs overwhelming
Three Oscars but who's really counting
Over achiever oh look I won again
Me, me, me
I can do any accent
Over achiever I stole the scene again
Me, me, me
And boy can I siiiiiing
Me!
Jimbo:
I was trapped inside her basket
She treated me like a hound
She thought a dog was just for fashion
Now its time you heard my side
Each day I'll make you a beliver
Cuz I'm the og cross shih tzu retriever
There's just one thing you need to know
I will be the best in show
Cuz I'm no friend of Dorothy, she's a bitch
I'll chase my tail and chase my dreams
I'll sniff that ass and finally scream
That I'm not afraid of Dorothy
Its my show now
Everyone:
I will never make it
Hey what if I got naked
Pollutions taking over
You call this a closer
Ugh its all so shameless
Thank God I'm rich and famous
Let's check into a clinic
Cuz no one cares who we are
